Insightful. I should go read his books now.

*The following is going to make me sound like a jock but that’s fine, as long as it doesn’t happen in real life*

/ The slow burn at the bottom of your soles some time into the run / The strength you didn’t know you had within you emerging steadily / Breathing short but consistent / Pace is your own / Sweat dripping off your face / A mouthful of water for temporary relief / Music of choice – trance / Mind – empty / Your core, fist-sized organ pumping away merrily /

It’s becoming an addiction, which is why I prefer running alone than aerobic classes. It’s just not for me; don’t like people telling me loudly how to move my legs and sway my arms, no thank you. Stretching type classes, that’s fine.

I’m feeling the benefits and I enjoy it. Heck, I even look forward to it. I’ve never imagine that one day, I’d be at my work desk and thinking like this: “This stinks. I can’t wait for WAM.” It happened and so far, it’s been going on for a month or so. Sure, the engine moved in spurts initially, but know this now: this train don’t stop there anymore.

Mentally I wouldn’t say I’ve become exceptionally brighter than before but my reaction time is faster. I don’t feel as lethargic. My mood swings are at bay. I’m not so quick to anger; I do get annoyed but I don’t dwell on it as long as before. It’s all thanks to the work of endorphins. I feel sleepy at work but when I begin the run, it’s automatic and necessary.

As for future possible sports-related group activities, the mere idea of a hoard of sweaty muscle-heads stomping together and breathing in one another’s bodily fragrance is …unappealing.  I run for leisure, not business purposes and in this, I’m my own island.

*****

Just afraid that one day, all my grievances and annoyances will roll into one big ball and burst forth from within. Then it will be very ugly and I don’t want that on anybody.

It helps me cope when I’m snide about what has happened; shift the guilt to the other party because I’ve had Enough of being guilt-tripped. When the other person squirms in discomfort, I’m perversely pleased.

Back to the two face subject. The situation being someone (a house guest) has to stay at my dad’s place, and being the non home-owner, I can only grin and bear with it. Yes, that’s my way of being ‘gracious’. The amount of items being moved into this place where I live… it’s a hoarder’s norm and the non-hoarder, a bleeping nightmare.

It’s very simple. The house doesn’t belong to me, ergo I don’t have a say. The home owner can choose to do whatever and invite whomever over, to stay for however long a period.

It just astonishes me how a person can choose to live without regulations, or simply be ignorant of it.

It also makes me sad that I’m this two-faced and spoilt rotten to the core that I cannot even bear with a little inconvenience currently, when the house guest’s entire future is a Big question mark.

It brings to my mind how cruel time is. As it does what it does, all other elements fade and age and pass away. Then it’s too late to be what you wanted yourself to become in the future, in the past. I’m learning a real life lesson.

*******

As I purchased the birthday gift, many thoughts were in my mind: She-or-He didn’t even get me a gift for my birthday / She-or-He can’t exactly use this at work / At the rate she-or-he uses the product, it might expire which isn’t good / This is not what she-or-he wants in the first place… thoughts like that. Why and how they even came about, only my mind knows.

Why, why can’t my mind just accept that a gift is a gift and there’s no need to be logical or practical about it. I chose this gift because the person mentioned some time back that she-or-he likes this, so I went from there. That’s it. The price didn’t even bother me, though I had a different (but legal) way of acquiring it. If the person do get what she-or-he NEEDS, where’s the fun? We need more nice surprises in our lives, albeit impractical! You don’t see the Birkin Bag women go, “I do believe I NEED another one of these.”, do you?

For the record, it’s not a Valentine’s Day gift. Had it been that, the purchase  process would have been quick and decisive: go for the kill.

Time to buckle up and move on.

****

It was like a balm to the heart to get the call from this one lady Ima, who’s actually my neighbor and whom I’ve never ever spoken to before ever. She got my number from the Missing Cat poster I had put up at her floor. She asked if my cat had returned; also shared about her own cat running away for 2 weeks, she crying her eyes out, and eventually her cat coming back because it had hidden inside a shop. She also mentioned that indoor cats tend to not run too far and might be hiding somewhere low and near-by. I was still sad but after hearing what she’d said, my insides were lighter because she had gone through what I’m going through now.

I told her I cried for the past 2 days, and she understood; finally understand the meaning of commiserating. Her cat did return, and I know Sunny will too. As GC said yesterday via text, he had just gone on a holiday (that made me smile a little) and with Ima’s call this morning… I know she will help me keep a look out for him, because she loves cats too.

Most people of my race will not do this… they will stare and say stuff behind your back, but not to gossip; that’s how they are, genetically (or racially, I don’t know) wired to be too reserved. I guess it’s because they just don’t want trouble and won’t go out of their way to do something until there’s something in it for them, unless it’s immediate family and friends. Strangers, not so much. It could be just a small group of them who would gladly help.

Thank you, people who know me and feel they cannot help much. Your kind words are enough, this is one of those rough times which I need to ride it out myself.

I’ve stopped playing the blame game, just hope Sunny comes back home soon. He can sneak into the living room or my room anytime he wants now :`(

Wish I could lift myself out of the gloom… Anything else is perfunctory for now.

“I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.” Jean Cocteau

LOL

All in all, I didn’t dislike my bridesmaid’s dress (the pink was acceptable). Really need to find a way to incorporate glasses/spectacles into formal wear; how come men never have that kind of problem? When they wear glasses/spectacles, they are preppy and intelligent-looking but women with glasses… that’s out of place with a dress. And make up… I will learn from today.

Anyway, I was the ‘head bridesmaid’ according to one photog; I did volunteer myself to be  her PA, since she did not think of it earlier. I didn’t mind it at all, because it’s better to be out in the sun holding the brolly over the Bride’s head rather than being within earshot of some brides-to-be and their unceasing wedding-talk. It was alienating to the point of rudeness; I mean, is there Really Nothing Else To Talk About other than your impending nuptials?

One of the bridesmaid did mention that lately, it is people around our age group that are getting married, and they are couples who have been together since school days so that’s at least 6 years or more. I have 2 male cousins getting married too; one in 2 weeks’ time, and the other in January 2010.

I’m really happy for her, because her one-of-a-kind mom will be out of her hair for good. Her own place isn’t ready until next February, and she’s really looking forward to having her own space. Me too! :]

I was waiting to feel some degree of despondency caused by the possibility of eternal single-dom, amidst wedding bliss and all… but no. All I felt after everything had ended was that I’m tired and hungry, and my feet hurt. After all, it is her big day and there’s no room for self-pity :]

This is for you two, GC & CY~ Enjoy, honeymooners!

I really love the simple message of this video. Beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder.